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Rourke's World

Rourke's World (3)

Wednesday, 11 December 2013 11:54

Folding fitted sheets: An exercise in futility

Folding fitted sheets: An exercise in futilityEver since my single mom (long before that term became popular) made a list of things I was to do while she was at work, I've tried to be a partner in doing household chores. After all, I live in the house and I am an equally responsible for taking care of it and doing those routine, mundane things that every householder must do.

I don't mind cleaning toilets, or emptying the cat litter box, or running the sweeper or almost any other chore. Of course the boss of the house usually does a much better job. (Note: I'm really not the stereotyped male slob as depicted on TV football snack commercials and I think my lovely wife will attest to this.)

But when it comes to folding fitted sheets, I'm a klutz. The flat sheet is no problem. Zap! I've got it down. Many people have offered their sage advice on how to fold fitted sheets. I've tried them all and still I end up with a wad that I fold (sort of) and put under the nicely folded top sheet.

Yes, I take the opposite corners and tuck one into the other. Then I fold that in half and tuck those corners into the others. Then I fold all this in half (sort of) and continue folding until I have a nice little package (sort of).

The only problem is after tucking in the first two corners, the rest is like trying to put a bowl of Jell-O back into the dry powder box. The sheet has a mind of its own. It goes everywhere.

Like The Blob, it flops around, springs out from the tucked corners, flaps open from the folds; it's like the proverbial can of worms got loose!

It isn't a problem with the sheets on our RV. Since we only have one set, we wash them and put them back on the bed. Simple.

But if you have more than one set of sheets for your home bed, you have multiplied the problem many fold (no pun intended).

Rather than mess about trying to do a professional job of making sure the corners are nicely tucked to pass any unannounced inspection by home décor maven Martha Stewart, I fold the fitted sheet as squarely as I can making sure to smooth out the wrinkles (one never knows when Martha might knock on the door). Then I continue folding until I have a reasonably neat square (sort of). Voila! Done.

In the USAF, we didn't have fitted sheets. We were glad to have any sheets. The ungodly uncomfortable bunks weren't designed for Martha Stewart sheets.

The only thing we had to worry about was if a quarter or half dollar would bounce high enough off the tightly fitted sheet and blanket and into the hand of the sergeant standing over the bed. The sheets and blanket had to be folded at the corners and tucked in. This is often referred to as a hospital tuck.

I've given up ever perfecting the folding of a fitted sheet. Instead, I fold it as neatly as I can (sort of) and put it under the squarely folded top sheet and pillow cases.

If Martha makes an unexpected visit to see our humble abode she will have apoplexy when she discovers I have failed.

When it's all said and done, who really gives a rat's patootie if our fitted sheet is folded properly or not? No one is going to see it unless they inspect our linen closet (which they aren't).

My only concern is to make sure a quarter or half dollar will bounce high enough for Sgt. Rambo to catch. Now that's something to worry about.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013 18:44

Who Are These People?

Rourke's World by Norm Rourke - Who are the People?

You see them all the time. At every photo op, they're standing behind the star of the event; politicians, New York Stock Exchange, law enforcement agents, lawyers defending some Hollywood bimbo. They're everywhere!

But who the heck are they?

Every time a politician gets in front of a microphone (and how they like to get in front of microphones); they are surrounded by a gaggle of people.

If it's the president announcing a new program, he is surrounded by people we can only assume are somehow connected to the new program he is announcing. In this group also is the head of the government agency responsible for administering this new program.

Later this agency head will also come forward to the microphone and the background folks may change. After all, we can't have the agency head not being surrounded by their people can we?

As for senators and congressmen, the background crowd is a bit more difficult to identify. Most are probably some of the myriad of tax payer funded aides these clowns have. So we have a bunch of staffers who get 15 minutes of fame to show the folks back home how important they are working in Washington. Like who cares?

Then there is the New York Stock Exchange where companies newly listed on the NYSE stand in front of a big bell they ding indicating the opening of the exchange or their new listing. Once again we must ask: Who are these people?

It seems in every facet of our "breaking news" mentality, there are backdrop gatherings of unknown and unnamed people. What importance are they to the event taking place?

Maybe it's like pictures of politicians shaking hands with a local personality who can have the framed photo prominently displayed to show how important he/she is.
Sometime I'd like to see Hank the handyman in his overalls and shop broom standing behind some of these folks just to add a little reality to the contrived photo op. That would drive the organizers of the staged event nuts.

"Hey! Who's the guy in the back holding the broom?"
Everyone turns to see Hank standing there grinning like loan shark greeting a new customer.
"Who me?"

"Yeah you. Who the heck are you and what are you doing in this picture?"

"Hey pal, don't get uppity with me! I'm the guy who sweeps up this mess on the floor you hot shots leave; all your paper and other trash. You gonna do it? No, I didn't think so."

"This is a very important photo Hank; we just want the folks in it who are involved in the senator's new program. I'm sure you understand."

"Oh right, sure I understand. Then why is Francine Sweetcheeks standing so close to the senator?"
"Um, well Ms Sweetcheeks has been instrumental in helping develop the program."

"Yeah, sure she has. That's not what I'm hearing from the night crew who cleans his office."

"Well Mr. Hank we're going to ask you to please move out of the photo."

"Okay, but how about asking JimBob Farkle to move out also?"

"Mr. Farkle is the administrator of the senator's program and will be the face of the program that constituents will see."

"Yeah, they'll also see him as the senator's nephew who defaulted on a farm loan that was pushed through by the senator. Yep, ol' JimBob will sure be recognized you got that right."

"Ah, perhaps we need to take this photo in the privacy of my office to avoid any further delays."

"Yes Senator, I think that would be a good idea. Folks if you'll please move to the senator's office we'll finish with this there. That doesn't mean you Hank!"

"That's okay; I've got work to do. Senator make sure you lock your door when you and Ms Sweetcheeks leave after working out all the details of your new program."

Wednesday, 16 October 2013 10:53

Would you keep this employee?

Rourke's World by Norm Rourke

If you had an employee who lied, cheated, defrauded, took bribes, did a lousy job and was disloyal would you keep them?

Probably not.

But the American people continue to “hire” career politicians who do all these things and have the arrogance to ask to be re-elected. Unfortunately too many voters do just that! They send the same people back to office who continue to spit in voters’ faces by their irresponsible actions forgetting who pays their salaries and who put them in office.

The recent crisis—we’re governed by crises anymore—over the budget, debt ceiling, Obamacare and anything else these pompous fools can conjure up has cost the American taxpayer $9,000,000 per hour. That’s $9 MILLION dollars an hour! Or to put it another way: $215+ MILLION per day! That’s money wasted from lack of jobs being done, salaries paid to people to do those jobs, money not being circulated into the economy. And just when our economy is beginning to show a few healthy signs of recovering from a recession, career old fool jackass politicians (both sides have them) bring on another crisis.

Thomas Jefferson said: “A little rebellion now and then is a good thing.” Perhaps voters should stage a rebellion in 2014 when most of the congress will be up for re-election. Instead of voting for the same people again, get rid of them. What’s the point of re-electing them if they continue to defy you the voter and do what they please even bringing the country to brink of economic disaster?

Unfortunately, voters soon forget and send the same people back to Washington where they live lavish life styles, enjoy power lunches at posh eateries, play political games that bring them perks from special interest groups and are generally unconcerned about the folks back home. In short they just don’t care what you think as long as they can live the high life filled with photo ops, rubbing shoulders with power brokers and generally bilking the American voter for all they can get out of them.

And you thought Bernie Madoff was a crook? These worthless bums make Madoff look like a choir boy.

It’s time Americans said enough is enough. We’re tired of going from one crisis to another. We’re tired of partisan bickering and a do-nothing government. We’re tired of paying the bills for all this stupidity.

Demand better. Demand your representatives’ do their jobs or you’ll throw them out. Demand term limits to get rid of the deadwood, the career politicians, the smug arrogance displayed by elected representatives who think they are royalty.

2014 isn’t that far away. It won’t be long before these arrogant jerks will return to their districts to con voters into re-electing them. They will talk about a “broken Washington.” Of course it’s broken. THEY broke it! They will tell you how they understand your concerns. Do you really believe that? They will talk about “shared values.” Really? They only values they have are how they can continue to bilk you so that you continue to pay for their gamesmanship.

They count on your short memory, knowing that you have other pressing matters to worry about; taking care of your family, paying your bills, keeping your job. And they know you won’t remember how they damaged the economy and set it back with their stubborn arrogance. They know you’re too busy trying to keep your head above water to keep up with their shenanigans.

Don’t fall into this trap.

You are not defenseless.

You CAN do something about it: